I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me.

I replied, "I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?"

She said, "Why didn't you get a haircut before your came here?"

I replied, "I didn't need one before I got here!"

Arriving at the 18th hole where a large pond separated the fairway from the green, the foursome was shocked to see a golfer so furious with his game he threw his bag into the water and stormed off to the parking lot.

As they approached the green they noticed the man returning to the pond, removing his shoes and fishing for his bag. "Wow," one of the men said, "it seems he has recognized the error of his ways."

At that moment the errant golfer found his bag, zipped open the pocket, found his car keys, and then threw the bag back into the water.

Joe says, "How are the golf lessons going Mike?"

"Great, I learned I am standing too close to the ball....after I hit it."

Old Joe was playing golf all alone as he stood on the 150 yard, par three, 9th hole. Just as Joe approached the tee a voice from the heavens said, "Joe use a new ball."

Joe looked around and not a soul was in view, so he put a brand new ball on the tee. Before he could take his shot the same voice called, "Joe, take a practice swing."

Joe obeyed and swung as hard as he could, slightly off balance at the end.

The same voice called one last time, "Joe, use an old ball."