A man called up a bird store the other day and said, "Send me 30,000 cockroaches at once!"
"What in heaven's name do you want with 30,000 cockroaches?"
"Well," replied the householder, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises here in exactly the same condition in which I found them."
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained. "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."
Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?
Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'
Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?
Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew...
A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.
One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
“Ah,” he said, “that’s my altar ego.”