The teacher asked Little Johnny if he knew his numbers.
“Yes,” he said. “My dad taught me.”
“Good. So what comes after eight?”
“Nine,” answered Little Johnny.
“And what comes after nine?”
“Ten.”
“And what comes after ten?”
“The Jack.”
The landlady of a rooming house that had seen better days was leading a prospective tenant to a third floor room with badly splattered wall paper.
Landlady: “The last man who lived in this room was an inventor---he invented some type of explosive."
Prospective tenant: “Then the spots on the wall was some type of explosive?”
Landlady: “No, the inventor.”
My friend that has come into money is telling me that he is having his family tree researched.
"Yes, and it is quite expensive, it cost $5,000."
"Wow", I replied, "that is expensive!"
"Yes, but it only cost $2,000 to have it looked up. It cost another $3,000 to have it hushed up."
I asked my father-in-law, a crop duster, how his day had gone.
"I had just the worst day," he replied. "This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing on the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out. On my way home, I stopped at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, 'Don't you have any cold beer?!' The bartender said, 'Sorry, but we've been out of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line down the road.'"