There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson.
She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.
He just looks at her and says, “You don't scare me. I am married to your sister!”
I just saw some idiot at the gym...
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill!
"Mother, how much do people pay per pound for babies?"
"Babies are not sold by the pound, darling."
"Then why do they always weigh them as soon as they are born?"
A husband takes his wife into an i-Phone store to get her whatever she wants. They check out computers, electronic tables, portable music players, and electronic watches.
The wife is so overwhelmed by all the store has to offer, she let's her husband know that she can't make a decision and will have to sleep on it.
The next day, the husband asks his wife what she wants and she says, "I think I want an Apple!"