Constant nagging didn't seem to provide any relief from having to clean up the bathroom after each of my three teenage children.
After I cleaned it one day, I resorted to posting a sign that read: "Please leave the bathroom as you found it."
I noticed the bathroom was in the usual mess after my son used it, so I called, "Brian, how did you find the bathroom?"
After a brief pause, he replied, "Straight down the hall, first door on the right."
Bobby: What is the difference between a lemon, an elephant, and a bag of cement?
Ray: I give up, what's the difference?
Bobby: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can't squeeze an elephant.
Ray: What about the bag of cement?
Bobby: I just threw that in to make it hard.
Judge: Silence in court! The next person who laughs again will be thrown out of court.
Accused: Hahahaha
Judge: I wasn't talking to you!
Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators.
They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock needed to revive a heart attack victim.
At the cheaper casinos, they just drag you across the carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.