I recently came into a lot of money...
and that's why I got fired from the bank.
Father to his daughter: “Your date's mother called and said you pepper sprayed her son. I just gave you that pepper spray, what happened?”
Daughter: “Well, we were having dinner and I was looking at the spray container and it said USE BY 6/25 and today is June 25th, I guess I panicked.”
Father: “That would be June 2025 dear.”
Daughter: “Oh.”
I just realized Titanic and the Sixth Sense are basically the same movie.
How so?
Icy dead People!
Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog.
So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.