Latest Jokes

I went to my local cafe today for lunch and apologized to the waitress for bringing my pet goat.

She said it's OK today but it won't be allowed in future.

She asked me what I would like for lunch, I said "steak with fries and the Kid Special."

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning. About 9:00 p.m. he finally said to his wife, "Dear, I think I've come up with the perfect sermon! I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding!"

She said, "Don't be silly! You can't give a sermon about horseback riding!"

He replied, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on just about every other subject I can think of."

The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, "I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this! You know, If you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service."

He said, "OK, then, suit yourself!", so she stayed in the car.

Entering church before the service, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that just had the congregation in awe. As the congregation filed out of the church, some of he members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her window. One of them said, "Wow! you just missed the best sermon your husband has EVER given!"

She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it! He talks big but he's only tried it twice in his life! "Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both times!"

What is the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

For the bird flu you get tweetment and for the swine flu you receive oinkment.

There I was totally naked.

Two hands running freely all over my body.

No area seemed OFF LIMITS but I wasn’t shy or embarrassed.

Yet I did not experience the euphoria one could imagine.

This was not the first time nor I expect will it be the last.

I waited patiently for any further sensations as these hands wandered seemingly with purpose yet resulting in no response from me.

So these so called hot steamy sessions are always flat.

Oh well! – I guess showering is like that! We'll see what happens tomorrow.