Telling his grandson about his days as a Golden Gloves contestant, Max said, "The bell rang, and we met in the center of the ring. First he threw a left cross, then came the right cross."
Max hesitated and his grandson asked, "Then what happened?"
"Then," sighed Max, "came the Red Cross."
“Are you making any New Year’s Resolutions?” my friend asked.
“Yes. I’ve resolved to stop playing so much polo,” I remarked.
“Since when have you been playing polo?"
“Never. But I figured that is one resolution I could keep!”
Boyfriend: I will never lie to you, dear.
Girlfriend: How sweet!
Boyfriend: Now you tell me a lie.
Magic Genie: I am a magic genie. I will grant you three wishes.
Me: Genie, I wish you were bad at math.
Magic Genie: Your wish is my command! Okay, you have nine wishes left.