What has two arms but can't raise them?
A chair.
I am great at multitasking... I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.
Everyone brings JOY to my office...
Some when they enter, others when they leave.
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.
"I thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me."
"And that wasn't love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession. Then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Was that love?"
"No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Was that love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was seasickness."