Best Jokes

"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?"
"No sir, it's Google's Pizza."

"Did I dial the wrong number?
"No sir, Google bought the pizza store."

"Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please."
"Okay sir, do you want the usual?"

"The usual? You know what my usual is?"
"According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust."

"Okay, that’s what I want this time too."
"May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?"

"No, I hate vegetables."
"But your cholesterol is not good."

"How do you know?"
"Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years."

"You know what, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and everyone else having all my information! I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me!"

"I understand sir. But you may want to renew your passport... it expired 5 weeks ago."

"Doctor, Doctor, I have a hoarse throat."

"Well I hate to break it you, but the resemblance doesn't end there."

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay.

Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."