A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and...(pause)...... cola."
"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them."
Most men are like bank accounts...
When they don't have a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me.
I found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities.
Top 5 Things We're Hoping A.I. Does For Us:
Call balls and strikes. Seriously. Is it in the square, or not?
Explain how my wife can always be wrong.
Defend my Magic the Gathering collection with laser weapons.
Help me understand why Carrot Top is funny.
Replacing rolls of toilet paper the right way.