marriage jokes

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home."

Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.

"Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath."

"Don't worry," replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."

After 25 years of marrriage, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old sexy chick. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old sexy chick and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great? They really know to how solve your mid-life crisis.

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3."

The old guy replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere."

The clerk is astonished. "Your wife's name is Crisco?"

The old guy answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public."

"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call her at home?"

"Lard ass."