marriage jokes

My wife and I have very different body clocks. At sundown she is practically ready for bed. I, meanwhile, am a night owl.

Recently, after a long, hard workday, I announced around 8 p.m. that I was exhausted and ready to hit the sack. Suddenly my wife nearly leapt into my arms.

"Oh, honey," she purred into my ear, "I just love it when you talk early to me."

Wife: “Why don’t you tell your friend that the girl he is getting married to is not apt for him?”

Husband: “Leave it. I am not going to say anything.”

Wife: “Why not? After all, he is your friend!”

Husband: “He didn’t tell me anything when I was getting married.”

Wife goes to an astrologer to learn more about her husband. The astrologer asks her, "Do you want to know about your husband's future?"

Without hesitation, the wife responds. "I will decide his future, you just tell me about his past."