family jokes

After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back."

My husband is the laziest man I know.

He is so lazy, he doesn't even bother to make coffee.

He just puts coffee in his mustache and drinks hot water.

When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad.

He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15."

I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"

My Irish mother-in-law gave me an “Irish Blessing” just before my wife and I went on vacation.

I’d feel better about the “may the wind be at your back” thing if we weren’t going to the Grand Canyon this year.